Welcome to 454 Conversations!

Growing up I wasn’t the type to jump into conversations effortlessly, and small talk felt like a puzzle where everyone else had the missing piece but me. I found it hard to come up with things to talk about with other people and most of the time just stayed quiet. I thought no one would notice me if I didn’t talk but I didn’t realize how much I stood out—until the day my friend pointed it out for me.

In sixth grade my best friend said to me, “You’re kinda… socially awkward,” These words replayed over and over again that night. I wasn’t mad at him—he wasn’t being mean, just honest. And maybe he was right.

So, I decided to fix it.

I created a list of the most common conversation topics I would notice people talked about. Every day I would go through the list of words and think about ideas of how I could carry on those conversations. Every night, I thought of new questions I could ask:

• “What’s your favorite movie?”
• “If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”
• “What’s the most unforgettable adventure you’ve ever been on?”

When I would be around other people I would test out the questions. Sometimes, it worked— I noticed people actually engaged, laughed, and kept the conversation going. Other times, some questions weren’t answered with the same excitement, and I’d quickly get rid of the ones that didn’t work as soon as possible.

After having more conversations I started remembering topics to talk about. When I changed schools I was able to easily talk to anyone I met. People would think I was naturally extroverted not knowing all the work I had put in to be able to have a conversation. Through my experience I have found that if I could get better at talking to people and making meaningful connections then anyone can. 

Today I am putting out the questions that helped me so that anyone can improve their conversations and make more friends without the years of hard work it took me. Looking back, I’m glad my friend was honest with me. Without that conversation, I might never have learned that social skills weren’t something you were born with—they were something you could build. One conversation at a time.